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Neighbors Shocked To Hear Quiet, Unassuming AR-15 Went ...
LADLEY, SC—Reeling in the wake of a shooting that left three dead and eight wounded, neighbors were reportedly shocked Friday afte...
EPA Announces They Found A Cool Bug And Want To Keep It
WASHINGTON—Declaring that it was really super important for a big project they were working on, the Environmental Protection Agenc...
Locksmith Called After Man Loses Incantation Used To Op...
MESA, AZ—Arriving as quickly as possible to assist a desperate customer, a locksmith was reportedly called Friday after a local ma...
Area Teen Watching March Madness Enters 2-Week Phase Wh...
UTICA, NY—Developing a passionate interest in the university that would last precisely a fortnight, an area teen watching March Ma...
Archaeologists Uncover Living Guy By Mistake
BLUFF, UT—Apologizing profusely for disturbing the man they found in what they had previously believed to be a 2,000-year-old Anas...
Panicking TikTok Influencers Frantically Gathering As M...
LOS ANGELES—As rumors of sales and shutdowns of the popular app continued to spread, panicking TikTok influencers reportedly began...
Financial Experts Recommend Investing In Businesses Gov...
NEW YORK—Calling it a desirable low-risk, high-yield option, financial experts reportedly recommended Thursday that Americans inve...
Retired Coach K Spends Afternoon Screaming At Ducks To ...
DURHAM, NC—Pacing back and forth in front of a park bench on a beautiful sunny day, retired Duke University basketball coach Mike...
Fast-Talking Biden Upsells Australian Prime Minister 2 ...
SAN DIEGO—Saying this was the sort of sweetheart deal that he wouldn’t give his own mother, a fast-talking Joe Biden reportedly up...
Mark Zuckerberg Worried Facebook Listening To Him After...
PALO ALTO, CA—Noting the eerie feeling of being surveilled, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg reportedly expressed concern Tuesday that Fac...
Bill Gates Calls Epstein’s Number Just To Hear His Voic...
MEDINA, WA—With tears welling in his eyes as he sought out his most treasured reminder of his late friend, business magnate Bill G...
Fetus Panics After Ballooning Up To 500 Times Her Origi...
NEW YORK—Saying the rapid gains had caused her to reflect on her dietary habits, local fetus Sarah Lehman reportedly panicked Mo...
Trump One-Ups Ron DeSantis By Claiming He Tortured More...
PALM BEACH, FL—Boasting that the Florida governor’s human rights violations were “nothing” next to his own, Donald Trump reportedl...
Speaker At Human Genome Editing Conference Just Wants T...
LONDON—In an attempt to determine how attendees might react to his latest research, a scientist speaking at the Third Internationa...
MuskVille May Become Texas’s Next City
Recent reports indicate groups associated with Elon Musk have bought thousands of acres of land about 35 miles outside of Austin....
Grim Reaper Slows Pace On Sidewalk So As Not To Freak O...
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to avoid making her feel nervous as night fell in the city, the Grim Reaper reportedly slowed his pace on...
Lincoln Equities Breaks Ground on Rockland County Spec ...
Lincoln Equities Group, among the region’s leading owners, managers and developers of commercial real estate, recently broke grou...
CPAC Audience Encouraged To Reach Under Chair To Be Gro...
WASHINGTON—In an announcement that drew enthusiastic applause from the influencers and supporters in attendance, audience members...
Bathroom Attendant Offers Man Sticker For Using Potty A...
MIAMI—Insisting that the patron had done such a good job that he deserved a reward, bathroom attendant Ron Carlton reportedly offe...
Black Employees Board Up Break Room Against Ravenous Ho...
ITHACA, NY—Barricading themselves for safety against an onslaught of seemingly brain-dead colleagues with outstretched hands, Blac...
Stable, Content Woman Only Has A Few Months Left Before...
SPOKANE, WA—Letting out a gratified, peaceful sigh as she sipped her morning coffee, local stable, content woman Gina Dore reporte...
Jimmy Carter Beginning To Worry That He Will Never Die
PLAINS, GA—Alarmed that he might live indefinitely, former President Jimmy Carter reportedly began to worry Tuesday that he might ...
Prime Group Acquires Block of Offices on LaSalle Street
A venture led by developer Mike Reschke’s Prime Group real estate firm has purchased a five-story block of offices above the JW M...
